talklikelions: (Default)
Be kind to me, or treat me mean
I'll make the most of it, I'm an extraordinary machine
talklikelions: (Default)
I'm still struggling, but I'm feeling more positive. I'm seeing a future for myself, which I couldn't for the longest time. I'm excited about school, even though I'll be starting what should be my junior year of college and feeling like a freshman. I have new passions, and I've met amazing new people.

Carolina House has saved my life. I hope to stay in recovery here as long as possible, but even now I can be thankful for what they've done for me. Sammy Banawan is a lifesaver and probably the most amazing man I have ever encountered.

I have life ahead of me. Who would have ever guessed?
talklikelions: (Default)
[Error: unknown template qotd]



a wolf
talklikelions: (Default)
OMG I WANT ONE






I WANT ONE NOWWWWW
talklikelions: (Default)
GUYS


I'M NOT KILLING MYSELF



CALM DOWN, JESUS




now that that's out of the way:


GAME OVER. good try, semi-worthwhile opponent.


(for the spies, that means: he lost).





omg




that's right, bitches.
talklikelions: (hannah bed)
Sing me to sleep
Sing me to sleep
I'm tired and I
I want to go to bed

Sing me to sleep
Sing me to sleep
And then leave me alone

Don't try to wake me in the morning
'Cause I will be gone

Don't feel bad for me
I want you to know
Deep in the cell of my heart
I will feel so glad to go


Sing me to sleep
Sing me to sleep
I don't want to wake up
On my own anymore


Sing to me
Sing to me
I don't want to wake up
On my own anymore


Don't feel bad for me
I want you to know
Deep in the cell of my heart
I really want to go


There is another world
There is a better world
Well, there must be
talklikelions: (Default)
[Error: unknown template qotd]


OMG SO MANY OF THEM




Everyone knows Jeffrey Dahmer's my favorite serial killer. I find him the most fascinating, his psychology absolutely insane. Some serial killers are more interesting than most, but most are interesting because the psychology is different than normal killers because there's a drive a desire there to kill, while some people just kill on impulse or on motive (i.e money, hatred, etc).



Alas. Dahmer, most fascinating. Perhaps his most interesting case, the Vietnemese 14 year old that escaped and was sent back to him, which was tragic as hell.



Also, Jon Benet Ramsey. And John Mark Karr. I think he was telling the truth, and that he was actually there. He never said he killed her, but they let him go because they just dismissed him as some crazy creeper. He had more information than he gave because he wanted them to dig for it. And they didn't.




So there!
talklikelions: (Default)
I love whatever possessed me to take IB history.



because it makes really intimidating things seem like nothing, really "long readings" seem normal, really "difficult and out of the box" thinking the same thing I always do, and kind of makes school fun. As long as I'm not doing badly.





Loyseau had it right all along, btw. All of this stuff about Order? America totally pulled it from him, and then EPICALLY FAILED. And what's funny, is that by his definition and idea of an order, a democracy in terms of how America works is almost identical to the rule of a king...



hmmm.





Anyways, this semester is going to be intense, and that makes me happy.


PS-




BSG FRIDAY!

OMG )



LOOK AT HOW HAPPY THEY ARE
talklikelions: (starbuck)
I START CLASSES TOMORROW

I AM SO EXCITED ABOUT THE BSG SEASON CONTINUUM FRIDAY


I LOVE MY ROOM AND LACK OF ROOMMATE

I HAVE DECIDED TO JUST RESTRICT NOW THAT I LIVE BY MYSELF AND MY ONLY FRIEND AT SCHOOL IS A SKINNY KOREAN CHICK THAT AGREES WITH ME THAT BEING UNDERWEIGHT IS THE BEST AND THAT GOT SENT TO WEIGHT LOSS SCHOOL IN CHINA BY HER PARENTS SO IS KIND OF FUCKED UP WITH FOOD HERSELF

I AM DRINKING JOOSE AND IT'S AWESOME


I HAD A GREAT CHAT WITH MY FRIEND JIHEE (THE SKINNY KOREAN) AND IT WAS LOVELY


MY SUITEMATE IS ADORABLE AND SEEMS LIKE A REALLY NICE PERSON, AND I REALLY LIKE HER SO FAR.


I'M EXCITED ABOUT THIS SEMESTER AND HAVE DECIDED TO MAKE IT A SEMESTER FULL OF WEIGHT LOSS AND GOOD GRADES. FUCK THE FACT THAT THIS MIGHT LEAD TO TREATMENT OVER THE SUMMER!





SORRY FOR THE CAPS I'M TIRED AND EXCITED AT THE SAME TIME. I GET THIS WAY BEFORE CLASSES START.


wish me luck guys. I'm nervous about classes starting. I really want to do well this semester.

(French 202, Bio 102, International relations 101 and 102, and World Civ 102)


The international relations and world civ classes SHOULD be the sort of thing I excel at. But who knows. E

UGH I'M SO NERVOUS.
talklikelions: (Default)
holy shit new BSG so freaking soon



AHHHHHH CAN'T STOP WATCHING OLD EPISODES THIS SHOW SO AMAZING AHHHH

lolz

Dec. 25th, 2008 10:23 pm
talklikelions: (cass behind)

The Priss

Deliberate Brutal Love Dreamer (DBLD)

The Priss

Mature. Responsible. Aristocratic. Excuse me. The Priss.

Prisses are the smartest of all female types. You're highly perceptive, and confident in your judgements. You'd take brutal honesty over superficiality any time--your friends always know where they stand with you. You're completely unfake. Don't tell me that's not a word. You're also excellent at redirecting internal negative energy.

These facts indicate people are often intimidated by you. They also fall for you, hard. You have a distant, composed allure that many find irresistible. If only more of them lived up to your standards.

You were probably the last among your friends to have sex. And the first to pretend that you're pregnant. LOL. Though you're inclined to use sex as weapon, at least it's not as one of mass destruction. You're choosier than most about your partners. A supportive relationship is what you're really after. Whether you know it or not, you need something steady & long-term. And soothing.

Your exact female opposite:

The Playstation

The Playstation

Random Gentle Sex Master

Always avoid: The Playboy (RGSM), The Loverboy (RGLM)

Consider: The Manchild (RBLD)

Link: The Online Dating Persona Test | OkCupid - dating services | Dating
talklikelions: (chapeau)
"Put your MP3 player on shuffle, and write down the first line of the first twenty songs. Post the poem that results."

Maybe the hardest thing I've ever done was to walk away from you
If you dance 'til your sense tingle and take a chance
I can see why you think you belong to me
Young and strong, Hollywood son

This ain't about the things I've done, where I've been or what I've won
If I wanted to, I could do anything right
One of these days, I'm gonna sit down and write a long letter
Hey you- out there in the cold, getting lonely getting old, can you feel me?

I don't understand about complimentary colours and what they say
Got a message in my head that the paper's have all come
You take Sally, and I'll take Sue...there ain't no difference between the two
Words are flowing out like endless rain into a paper cup

They painted up your secrets with the lies they told you
You can throw your luggage down- lose your cool and stomp around- but there's nothing, nothing you can do
When you were young and on your own, how did it feel to be alone?
It's a Saturday afternoon romance between a cowboy and a fool...and a fool

Forgive me if my fantasies may seem a little shopworn
Do me wrong, do me right- tell me lies but hold me tight
When I think of those Eastern lights, my goodnights, curtains drawn in the little room downstairs
I just opened up my eyes and let the world come climbing in



the songs were:

Love Needs a Heart- Jackson Browne
When You Dance You Can Really Love- Neil Young
Amie- Counting Crows (Cover)
River- Natalie Merchant

It's About You- Train
If I Wanted To- Melissa Etheridge
One of These Days- Neil Young
Hey You- Pink Floyd

Red, Red, Red- Fiona Apple
If I Could Give All My Love to You (Richard Manuel is Dead)- Counting Crows
Cocaine- Jackson Browne
Across the Universe- The Beatles

Acoustic #3- The Goo Goo Dolls
No Plane on Sunday- Jimmy Buffett
Only Love Can Break Your Heart- Neil Young
Cowboy Romance- Natalie Merchant

Dark Star- Crosby, Stills & Nash
Don't Let Me Be Lonely Tonight- James Taylor
Someone Saved My Life Tonight- Elton John
Something More- Train
talklikelions: (Default)
To clarify a bit, since I've had two people ask me about that last entry


it wasn't directed at anyone in particular, exactly, but mainly one person. She doesn't read my LJ- if she did, I'd have made sure it was either a private entry or in a cut she couldn't read. Or, I hope she doesn't read my LJ, haha.



I'm just very upset about the way a few people have been treating me lately. I'm having a really rough time, and I'm keeping silent about most of it because that's what I'm learning to do. But I just had to get that out. One final attempt at getting her to talk ot me, at least say "hey!", and NOTHING.




So fucking 7th grade. You don't just...stop talking to someone. If I did something that bothered you, you tell me. You don't get bitter and angry and go off talking about me like I'm aterrible person because I have a mental illness. One you can't udnerstand.




I just hope that she calms down soon and starts talking to me again. I love her too much to let her go this easily, but the bitter, angry, inhuman way she's been acting is so just NOT okay.



So don't worry guys, I'm okay. I just needed a quick rant. And sorry Steph, for making it seem like I was trying to target you- our "tiff" set it off, but believe me, this has been going on for weeks and has been bothering me and hurting me steadily more and more. So I figured a good ole' public LJ entry would help me feel better. And it did =) And killing russians made it even better, so ty. Nothing makes a niht better like Ocelot teh gay and Snake teh adorable and ghey. =)
talklikelions: (Default)
You know, I might complain about things. And the things I do to myself may not be the greatest. I keep quiet about most of the things that actually bother me, because I can't talk about them- but they're a lot more serious than your bitter bullshit.






It must really suck to go through life so fucking bitter and angry at the world that you apparently have no feelings except anger and irritation.






At least I have a fucking heart. I suffer in silence, and I keep my fucking soul. So fuck you. Fuck your bitterness. Fuck the way you talk about me like I'm some sort of cretin, like I'm not a human being. I am. More so than you'll ever be.
talklikelions: (Default)
I talked to Allen for a bit

He and I made plans for the New Year


I miss him. A lot. He cheered me up...just hearing his voice. There's nothing conflicting in my relationship with Allen ,which confuses me, but I refuse to dwell on said confusion. I just know that I love him dearly and that I am excited to see him, and he cheered me up. He said I'm a cute drunk =D


A month to go, maybe seeing him well help. He hasn't seen me in almost 3 years, we've just spoken as often as we could (with many "I miss you's" from his direction toward mine, and finally tonight, mine toward him). Maybe seeing him will help me quell a few thoughts, calm myself a bit, and come forward.



1 month. Give me 1 month, and I promise I'll decide what to do. Ulcers aren't needed- I promise. 1 month.
talklikelions: (Default)
Well, the Christmas season has officially started


Nothing feels right this year. I feel like I'm walking through a dream...neither a good dream nor a bad dream. It just feels like a dream. Everything is going by so quickly, and when I take a step back and look at everything it feels surreal.


How come my life ain't like this movie?
I should try to look some more like that.
And maybe then I could be a movie star,
And maybe then you'd always laugh
at my jokes. Cause life would be just like this movie,
and I would never feel alone. In fact,
all the problems that I have would go away,
and I would forget how to feel sad.

cause this silver screen that I'm looking at
is making me a little bored
of my life cause its not what I'm looking at,
cause this has so much more of excitement,
thrills, and adventurous things in every life.
And a sparkle is the reflection in my eye.

Ba ba ba ba, ba ba ba ba.
If only the shows were as real as the clothes
then we'd never see the same,
but I guess we'll never know.
Ba ba ba ba, ba ba ba ba.
Well they shot it, and we bought it.
So you see it's not just me, its sweet -
It's in the movie.

She wants a better body and some super model moves.
cause in her head she's always been the ugly one.
Well hey, we think we're ugly too.
And it's true that we will never know
and love the things that she could have known.
Well I wonder when she thought it was that she would win?
cause man she got so thin.

Every now and then she would start to pretend
like she was a star and in the movies they're in.
But it's strange cause it seems
there's never happy endings.
Is it make believe?
is it make believe?


Ba ba ba ba, ba ba ba ba.
If only the shows were as real as the clothes
then we'd never see the same,
but I guess we'll never know.
Ba ba ba ba, ba ba ba ba.
Well they shot it, and we bought it.
So you see it's not just me, its sweet -
It's in the movie.
talklikelions: (Default)
but I can't. i've simply come too far.
talklikelions: (hannah pretty)
You took your coat off and stood in the rain
You were always crazy like that
And I watched from my window
Always felt I was outside
Looking in on you

You were always the mysterious one
With dark eyes and careless hair
You were fashionably sensitive but too cool to care
You stood in my doorway
With nothing to say
Besides some comment on the weather

Well in case you failed to notice
In case you failed to see
This is my heart, bleeding before you...
This is me down on my knees
And these foolish games are tearing me apart
And your thoughtless words are breaking my heart

You're breaking my heart

You're always brilliant in the morning
Smoking your cigarettes and talking over coffee
Your philosophies on art, Baroque moved you
You loved Mozart
And you'd speak of your loved ones
As I clumsily strummed my guitar

Well excuse me...
'Cause I'd mistaken you for somebody else
Somebody who gave a damn
Somebody more like myself

And these foolish games are tearing me
You're tearing me, tearing me apart
And your thoughtless words are breaking my heart

You're breaking my heart.





That song was described everything for years. What am I to think? Hesitation, that's what I'm to think. I have my own issues, thank you very much.
talklikelions: (hannah pretty)
"I wish I had something wrong with me. No...really. I do. Because then it would show. I mean, there would be tangible proof for how weird I feel. Instead of having this outside that makes people think I'm just fine...just perfectly fine and well adjusted. Because how I am, nobody knows how unnormal I feel."




If I could count the amount of people at UMW that have told me how confident and well postured etc I am on the outside.



Nobody knows how unnormal I feel.
talklikelions: (Default)
Dreams about Seth ended, and all of a sudden the mere thought of him fills me with nausea. Could it be? Yes it could.



There is a certain person that I think about a lot. But I am afraid...afraid of ruining everything. Afraid that years of this will be destroyed if I allow this to happen. I know this person wants it to happen. I think I do, but I don't know for sure. Because I don't know anything.


Overthinking. Overanalyzing. But what else is my brain to do?




Night at Jo's, without power. But with blankets and candles =)

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