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a wolf
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Everyone knows Jeffrey Dahmer's my favorite serial killer. I find him the most fascinating, his psychology absolutely insane. Some serial killers are more interesting than most, but most are interesting because the psychology is different than normal killers because there's a drive a desire there to kill, while some people just kill on impulse or on motive (i.e money, hatred, etc).

Alas. Dahmer, most fascinating. Perhaps his most interesting case, the Vietnemese 14 year old that escaped and was sent back to him, which was tragic as hell.

Also, Jon Benet Ramsey. And John Mark Karr. I think he was telling the truth, and that he was actually there. He never said he killed her, but they let him go because they just dismissed him as some crazy creeper. He had more information than he gave because he wanted them to dig for it. And they didn't.

So there!
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Tool- AEnima
Tool- Lateralus (The Holy Gift)
Tool- 10,000 Days
Counting Crows- August and Everything After
Counting Crows- Hard Candy
Kill Hannah- For Never and Ever
Hanson- This Time Around
Natalie Merchant- Tigerlily
Neil Young- Harvest Moon
Jackson Browne- Running on Empty

Close enough, I guess.
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because Ralph Nader spoiled it.
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I think it's not as much a topic I always write about as feelings, depression, emotion, whatever. And those center, right now, around the same topics. Most of the time I don't go into an entry about anything thinking about that thing...I go into it feeling like shit and trying to get it out. I just pick everything apart and certain things are mentioned.

Obviously I write about it because I want to figure it out. If I wasn't so confused about it all I wouldn't feel the need to ramble endlessly and topics no one cares about and I don't even want to think about. But I am confused and I try to analyze and pick it apart.

I had a really disturbing dream last night. It involved Allen and Barnes and Noble, which was okay. But then I was supposed to see Matt and he was ignoring my calls. I got a little upset and all of a sudden global warming is all over the news, about how the world is falling apart. I'm freaking out and they're evacuating town, and I still can't get in touch with Matt. So we're sitting there and there's this creek/road, and I dream I'm right next to this woman that's trying to escape town because of the flooding they're calling for. She braces herself for something and nothing happens, and suddenly I'm back up at the top looking down over this and there's blood in the water, and Steph and Mom said there was a crash and they could see the bodies, and it was really disturbing.

At this point my dream self feels like vomiting, and keeps trying to get in touch with Matt because I feel like I really need him. Dream self starts berating self for trusting him too, which was depressing.

Then we're downstairs in my house and everyone's freaking out because it's about to flood. It does, but it stops and we're all safe. Everyone is like wtf, Jesus, are you there? Sadly I'm not kidding. I go into the family room and see the bodies from the earlier crash, laying out on my driveway. It was a couple, and the woman was in shorts and a red halter top. They were beaten up pretty badly but died with her head on his stomach, it looked like they were sleeping if it hadn't been for the blood and death.

None of that makes sense but it was really upsetting when I woke up, so I feel the need to document it. Especially since when I was trying to get to sleep last night I kept drifting off and then waking up because something horrible was happening as soon as I slipped off to sleep, but I couldn't remember what.


Neurologist today, cheers.
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I hate reality shows, except I have started watching Project Runway this season because I love seeing the designs. I hate reality shows for the drama- they remind me of high school. A high school reality show is okay to me, but for some reason 30 year olds acting like catty teenagers bugs me so much. It makes me panicky and nervous.

Regardless. I guess it would star high schoolers. I think I'd make it a show choir reality show. There's so much fun and drama that goes into show choirs, and the competitions would be so great for reality TV. There's bitchiness, there's support from "enemy choirs", there's Atlee High School (oh god, they could have their own reality show, called "hopeless snobs" or something).

I mean, I'd watch it.


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June 2009



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